do you mind being seated in an exit row?

...says the frizzy haired desk person as im trying to board my flight.

uh sure, whatever, i respond.

she goes on to explain to me that in the event of an emergency, i will need to assist the crew.

sure. i'll get right on that. after all, at 5am im perfectly well equipped to make a decision like that. and you know if an emergency ever really happened, it's every man for themself. kind of like when the fire alarm went off at home. grab an extinguisher, my ass. i grabbed bella and that's pretty much it.

but the exit row comes with an aisle seat. and its allll mine!

wordless wednesday

everyone and their mom is getting married

and it's all happening this summer. seriously. if you know me well, you probably know im not on board with marriage/babies/all the things you're 'supposed' to be doing as you're getting older. thinking about doing those things makes me a little nauseous. i am, however, genuinely happy to see my friends doing something that makes them happy, and i do want to celebrate this life changing decision with them. i just have a few requests.

first of all, i want to come to the wedding nude. or in pajamas. finding an 'appropriate' dress is asking too much. you know..not to flashy, not to casual, not too short. geez. and then not only do you want me to find a dress (when i hate shopping), you also want me to wear it. all day. in the hot sun. and then dance in it all night. clothes were not meant to stay on my body for that long. and if you are going to ask me to wear a wedding 'appropriate' dress, please understand that i will be compensating for all of this 'appropriateness' by getting super high heels. yes, i will be wearing stripper heels to your wedding. prepare yourself.

please tell me where you're registered. about 25 times. and i will wait till the last minute to buy your gift. sorry. i love you, but im a slacker. and im busy. my time was probably sucked away by the dress buying situation. so please don't be mad if my gift to you is a couple of spoons, a ladle, and a blender. enjoy.

don't expect me to try to catch the bouquet. i don't want to be anywhere near the bouquet. i will be sitting on the other side of the room, with a drink in my hand, snapping picture of your other friends looking like fools.

stop having classy bachelorette parties! bachelorette parties are not for tea. they are for beer, fake veils, doing silly things, and eating 'penis hummus'.

so seriously, people. i really don't think these things are unreasonable. all im asking for is a little nudity, some alcohol, some general debauchery. throwing in a slip 'n slide wouldn't hurt either.

overdose

someday, someday i will be able to bake for a living. cakes and cookies, and little tarts, and people will want me to make their birthday cakes, and i'll spend my time sifting and mixing and piping all day. someday, i won't have to be a director at wellmet to supplement my income. someday, i won't be woken up at 1am to find someone trying to kill themselves.

no joke. not that suicide is something to ever joke about.

after the events of last night/early this morning i am left with a jumble of emotions. on the one hand, i really believe in this program. i believe in the power of the positive support we can offer, and the benefits that community based living can do for someone. i've seen it work. i've seen people leave in a healthier state of mind. i've seen them stable and living a 'normal life'. but sometimes i wonder how much we're actually doing. do people ever 'recover' from mental illness? or are they just floating through life, knowing that another snap is going to eventually come. i am saddened and jaded by this thought, and can't imagine what it must be like to be someone who is so consumed by their pain that they think the only way to rise out of it is in death.

i'm also pissed. i'm angry that this person never came to me, or anyone else for help. i'm hurt that he didnt trust us enough to help him. i'm angry that he was so selfish and thought his problems were the center of the universe. you want problems? take a little trip down to children's hospital and spend some time on the cancer unit. watch little babies get sliced open, and tubes stuffed down their throats only to die in their parents arms. your problems can't possibly be that big. you have a life, you can breath, you can run and scream, and be free, and do anything you want. for whatever reason, you were given a LIFE. why would you waste it??

i feel guilty that we didnt see it coming.

i also feel thankful. im thankful he was found in time. i'm thankful that another resident heard him making noise and woke up the staff. im thankful she wasn't a heavier sleeper, because if she hadn't heard him, i fear i would have been doing my rounds in the morning and found him dead. mostly im thankful that i don't know what it's like to feel his kind of pain.

sometimes tragedy makes me want to go out and save the world. but today i just wanna bake some muffins. cuddle my sweet bella. walk in the rain. laugh with my friends. love.

facebook suggests you read this post

i say it all the time.

facebook is taking over the world!

case in point: a girl i work with recently requested my 'friendship' on facebook. since we are not actually friends, and i don't wish to share my personal life with people who annoy the shit out of me, i simply denied the request. logical, right?

wrong.

apparantly, being denied access to my facebook was so traumatic to her, that she had to go around work telling people that i have a slutty facebook profile picture. i mean, i guess i can understand. im pretty fucking awesome. (that's what he said). but seriously, facebook causes this drama? are we back in high school?

(as a sidenote i'd like to point out two things. enjoying nudity and being comfortable in your body are not directly related to a person's level of sluttiness. second, if i was slutty, i'd be a lot less high strung, and in a much better mood way more often. hm. that actually sounds kind of nice. perhaps i should become slutty...)

but now im off topic.

this is just a small example of how facebook has taken over our lives. it's also completely changed the way we speak. it still appalls me when i hear someone, especially an adult, say 'lol'. not type it. SAY it. REALLY?!?? i mean if something is actually funny can't you just LAUGH?? you have to say 'LOL'?!??

and what about "friending"? whatever happened to the word 'befriend'? have we gotten that lazy? (yes).

and there are a million more examples. we're living our lives in the context of a blue and white website where we can announce to our 'friends' where we're going, what we're doing and who we're doing it to.

i say...let's start an anti-facebook revolution!!

delete your facebook accounts!

pick up your landline telephones! (or..get a landline and buy a telephone..)

call your friends! have a real conversation. look people in the eye.

seriously, i'm going to do this. i am. i really am.

after i publish this post to my profile.

and update my status to let people know im doing my laundry and going to sleep.

um. well, maybe i should keep my facebook after all. i mean, people are pretty much on the edge of their seats waiting to see what im up to.

a personal struggle

i find myself on the brink of a major dilemma.

in exactly one week and one day, ramona and beezus the movie comes out.

on the one hand, i'd love the chance to relive a little chunk of my childhood. going to the library every week is one of my favorite memories of my father. and ramona and beezus books were some of my favorites. i always wanted a sister (i have two amazing ones, but we didn't grow up together), and i got to vicariously experience the fun, the squabbles and everything else through these fictional characters.

buuuut on the other hand, i have a feeling this movie might just be one big letdown. a lot of books-to-movie experiments are failures (hello, my sister's keeper).

what to do, what to do? someone go see it and report back to me. 2 pages, double spaced. and then i'll decide.

ah, who am i kidding. aidan and natasha are both in it, so i'll probably pre-order my tickets on fandango after i publish this post.

diary of a (practice) wedding cake

summer in the city

i love summertime in boston. ten months we have endured the cold, the snow, the rain, all for a few weeks of sweat, humidity, get-heatstroke-while-you're-walking-to-the-t, 90+ weather.

no but really, i do love summer. farmer's markets, festivals in harvard square, running through the fountain in the north end, patio drinking, cookouts, the beach.

and who could forget all the fun we have with tourists? southern accents that just drip with intelligence, crying babies (always my favorite), asians with their cameras (OMG! a blade of grass! we must take thirty pictures of it!!), people trying to get to cheers (thats not where they filmed it, stupid), and oh yes, maps. maps everywhere. so many maps, and yet no one can manage to read them. instead they wander about, bumping into people (me), and taking up the entire sidewalk.

oh sure, i miss california summers sometimes. laying out on capitola beach. margaritaville, pizza my heart. quiet. long drives down the coast.

but let's be serious.

how can any of that compare to the joy of walking through faneuil hall on a saturday in july?

wordless wednesday (or very early thursday morning)

brought to you courtesy of the red white and blue

i celebrated the 4th of july this year with a wonderful boston tradition. i got together with some friends, (and about a million other people-literally), trooped down at 8 am to the esplanade (which is a beautiful stretch of land along the charles river), pitched a tent (thats what she said), ate, drank, met some awesome people, played some games, watched toby keith and the boston pops, and watched an a-mazing fireworks show. to sum up, i had the quintessential american 4th of july experience.

but this day is about so much more, something much bigger than barbecues and beer. and while i will never be a believer in the "fight a war to create peace" mentality, i do have the utmost respect for the women and men who stand up for our country in a way that i would never be able to. i am grateful for all of the freedoms that we are so priviledged to have, it's the real reason for this special day. and while we still have a long way to go, it makes me proud to be able to look back and see how far we've come.

"Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world."
-Robert Kennedy

wordless wednesday