do you mind being seated in an exit row?

...says the frizzy haired desk person as im trying to board my flight.

uh sure, whatever, i respond.

she goes on to explain to me that in the event of an emergency, i will need to assist the crew.

sure. i'll get right on that. after all, at 5am im perfectly well equipped to make a decision like that. and you know if an emergency ever really happened, it's every man for themself. kind of like when the fire alarm went off at home. grab an extinguisher, my ass. i grabbed bella and that's pretty much it.

but the exit row comes with an aisle seat. and its allll mine!