so today, my friend told me something that surprised/irritated/disgusted me. she told me that at her job, she is REQUIRED to wear makeup.
WHAT?!
since when can you require an employee to wear makeup??
now, okay, i understand she works in the service industry, and has to be a presentable salesperson. but come on. being appropriately presentable should refer to cleanliness, in my opinion. clean, pressed clothing, tidy hair, good hygiene.
im pretty sure she doesn't agree with this policy either, though tries to justify it by saying that sometimes her skin isn't very clear. please. the girl is beautiful, and should not feel forced to cover up if she doesn't want to! furthermore, if her skin isn't clear, it's probably because they're making her clog her pores with makeup!
do you think, if a male server had a breakout, they would make him cover his zits with makeup??
no, they would not.
in protest, i am not going to wear makeup to work tomorrow. although, it's friday, and i will be standing in front of two huge ovens all day, sweating, and probably wouldn't have worn makeup anyway.
doesn't really seem like enough, does it?
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
baby fever?
no, i definitely don't have it.
but it seems to be all around me. my high school friends are doing it/talking about it/excited about it. (are we really that old, guys??) my aunt that i keep in fairly close contact with always asks me who im dating. she wants to know when i'll be getting married and having a family. it's a little difficult to find the words to eloquently say 'i don't really have time for that right now, all i can fit into my schedule is some casual steamy sex'. my favorite bakery on beacon hill is a mob between the hours of 3 and 6, so i avoid it at all costs, unless i'd like my pear tart and five dollar latte with a side of screaming brat. which i don't. i can't ride the bus to work unless i'm interested in taking a flying leap over the double wide stroller parked right in front of the door. (good thinking, mom, don't bother walking toward the middle of the bus where there's actually space for your entourage, just plop your big butt right down in front!)
don't get me wrong. kids are great. and cute. except when they open their mouths. well, okay, actually the only kids i really like are my friends' kids. and even then, im pretty much just tolerating them.
see here's the thing. at some point in my life i'd probably like to have a kid. but i think back on my childhood, and my parents, and all of their mistakes, and know that there are a LOT of changes i'd want to make in order to make my child's life a good one. and i'm way too selfish right now. and honestly, i am loving being selfish.
and the other thing. i feel like i'm finally working towards a career that i love. sure, i don't want to work at mccormick and schmick's all my life, but for now, i enjoy going to work, even on the days where i hurt myself (which is most of them), and school is awesome, and im doing something that i want to continue to do forever. a kid would totally interrupt this flow. i'd never, EVER want to be a stay at home mom. baking, glazing, filling? yes. laundry, spit up, sitting at home? uh, no. and i'd hate to have to miss work due to a sick baby, or have to leave early because my kid got in trouble and has to be picked up from detention. and let's face it, if a kid belongs to me, it's going to be trouble.
and another thing! bella! who would want a kid when there's a bella around?! but seriously, i freaking love my dog, and am pretty sure a crying baby would not appreciate being left in the crib while i took bella to the park. which i would do.
so in case i haven't made myself clear, i am definitely NOT in baby mode. and i LOVE that i'm not. i'll do the supportive friend thing. i'll send the shower gifts, and the bday gifts, and do the 'oohing and aahing' at the appropriate times. just don't ask me to babysit!
but it seems to be all around me. my high school friends are doing it/talking about it/excited about it. (are we really that old, guys??) my aunt that i keep in fairly close contact with always asks me who im dating. she wants to know when i'll be getting married and having a family. it's a little difficult to find the words to eloquently say 'i don't really have time for that right now, all i can fit into my schedule is some casual steamy sex'. my favorite bakery on beacon hill is a mob between the hours of 3 and 6, so i avoid it at all costs, unless i'd like my pear tart and five dollar latte with a side of screaming brat. which i don't. i can't ride the bus to work unless i'm interested in taking a flying leap over the double wide stroller parked right in front of the door. (good thinking, mom, don't bother walking toward the middle of the bus where there's actually space for your entourage, just plop your big butt right down in front!)
don't get me wrong. kids are great. and cute. except when they open their mouths. well, okay, actually the only kids i really like are my friends' kids. and even then, im pretty much just tolerating them.
see here's the thing. at some point in my life i'd probably like to have a kid. but i think back on my childhood, and my parents, and all of their mistakes, and know that there are a LOT of changes i'd want to make in order to make my child's life a good one. and i'm way too selfish right now. and honestly, i am loving being selfish.
and the other thing. i feel like i'm finally working towards a career that i love. sure, i don't want to work at mccormick and schmick's all my life, but for now, i enjoy going to work, even on the days where i hurt myself (which is most of them), and school is awesome, and im doing something that i want to continue to do forever. a kid would totally interrupt this flow. i'd never, EVER want to be a stay at home mom. baking, glazing, filling? yes. laundry, spit up, sitting at home? uh, no. and i'd hate to have to miss work due to a sick baby, or have to leave early because my kid got in trouble and has to be picked up from detention. and let's face it, if a kid belongs to me, it's going to be trouble.
and another thing! bella! who would want a kid when there's a bella around?! but seriously, i freaking love my dog, and am pretty sure a crying baby would not appreciate being left in the crib while i took bella to the park. which i would do.
so in case i haven't made myself clear, i am definitely NOT in baby mode. and i LOVE that i'm not. i'll do the supportive friend thing. i'll send the shower gifts, and the bday gifts, and do the 'oohing and aahing' at the appropriate times. just don't ask me to babysit!
Monday, April 26, 2010
food for thought
food. it's funny how one word can call up such a jumble of emotions.
for me, it's a source for inspiration, a creative outlet, a way to release stress, a way to exercise my anal tendencies, and the fulfillment of a lifelong, though somewhat sometimes hidden dream.
but it wasn't always that way.
growing up, i was never skinny. i wasn't fat either, that is, unless you asked my mother. she thought otherwise. and told me so, pretty much every day, until finally, for a number of reasons, i ended contact with her.
i truly believe you have to find happiness within yourself, and you should never let someone else control how you feel about anything, especially about yourself. but damn it, sometimes someone else's words can really rip you apart. i feared food for a while, bouncing around trying different fad diets, then eating whatever i wanted, then eating super healthy.eventually i've learned to love food again, this time in a healthy manner. it took me a long time, time away from my mother, time with some amazing friends, time drinking, time moving across the country, but im finally content with myself, my body, eating, food. sure, i'm not perfect (who is, really?), and i could be in better shape, or eat healthier, but so what? im at a place where i am actually comfortable in my own skin. i love to be naked. but, that it is a story for another time.
i also realize that i'm one of the lucky ones. i know life is a gift, and i don't intend on wasting in any way. but everyday i see girls around me, miserable with how they look, what they weigh, what they ate, when they're going to the gym, etc. i lived with a girl who would eat everything in the house, and when that was gone, she would eat butter sticks. and then puke them. millions of people are starving to death, and she was eating and puking. it's so sad. i wish i knew how to make people see how beautiful they already are, and how they're missing out on so many amazing things in life.
how do we change this misconception of food? and beauty? when, and why, did we turn something amazing into something ugly? i dont really know what my point is here, i guess i just wish i knew the way to change people's thoughts/feelings on this issue. but im not sure it's something that even can be changed.
maybe it would be easier if we all lived bella's life. a bite of a burger is orgasmic for her. then she rolls over for a belly rub, licks her butt, and falls asleep. pure heaven.
for me, it's a source for inspiration, a creative outlet, a way to release stress, a way to exercise my anal tendencies, and the fulfillment of a lifelong, though somewhat sometimes hidden dream.
but it wasn't always that way.
growing up, i was never skinny. i wasn't fat either, that is, unless you asked my mother. she thought otherwise. and told me so, pretty much every day, until finally, for a number of reasons, i ended contact with her.
i truly believe you have to find happiness within yourself, and you should never let someone else control how you feel about anything, especially about yourself. but damn it, sometimes someone else's words can really rip you apart. i feared food for a while, bouncing around trying different fad diets, then eating whatever i wanted, then eating super healthy.eventually i've learned to love food again, this time in a healthy manner. it took me a long time, time away from my mother, time with some amazing friends, time drinking, time moving across the country, but im finally content with myself, my body, eating, food. sure, i'm not perfect (who is, really?), and i could be in better shape, or eat healthier, but so what? im at a place where i am actually comfortable in my own skin. i love to be naked. but, that it is a story for another time.
i also realize that i'm one of the lucky ones. i know life is a gift, and i don't intend on wasting in any way. but everyday i see girls around me, miserable with how they look, what they weigh, what they ate, when they're going to the gym, etc. i lived with a girl who would eat everything in the house, and when that was gone, she would eat butter sticks. and then puke them. millions of people are starving to death, and she was eating and puking. it's so sad. i wish i knew how to make people see how beautiful they already are, and how they're missing out on so many amazing things in life.
how do we change this misconception of food? and beauty? when, and why, did we turn something amazing into something ugly? i dont really know what my point is here, i guess i just wish i knew the way to change people's thoughts/feelings on this issue. but im not sure it's something that even can be changed.
maybe it would be easier if we all lived bella's life. a bite of a burger is orgasmic for her. then she rolls over for a belly rub, licks her butt, and falls asleep. pure heaven.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
heartbreaking
found this on a friend of a friend's blog. sometimes we need a little reminder about how beautiful life is, and how lucky we are to have one. don't take it for granted.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
wtf?!
one of the other staff members in my house had some pet hamsters in her room. i got a text from her yesterday saying that she arrived home to find her door unlocked, and two of the hamsters dead, and one that looked like it had gotten it's head ripped off. sure, maybe she forgot to lock her door. mayyybe someone didn't break in. but regardless of how they got into the room, someone had to have done this. right??
now, i know these people are crazy. i knew taking this job that there were risks to living and working with people who were mentally ill. but for the most part, i've only had to deal with behavioral issues-defiance/disorganization/laziness, stuff that like. but this is just disgusting! i am SO pissed. and disturbed. i feel awful that my friend had to come home and find her hamsters dead. and im also terrified that something could potentially happen to bella. i usually leave my window cracked bc my room gets pretty stuffy (and i leave my keys at home or at work or at someone else's house all the time), but now i seal them up tight! and i hate it. i don't want to feel uncomfortable in my own house. i swear to god (if you believe in god), that if anyone EVER lays a finger on her i will fucking KILL them. i never think of myself as a violent person, i've never even hit someone (well except that guy in the bar one time who thought he should keep touching me even though i told him not to- yeah, how'd ya like that bloody nose jackass!), but i would seriously lose my shit if anyone ever touched her. and that bothers me a little too. but, actually, just very little.
so i don't know what to do here. i want to just gather everyone and make them sit there until someone cracks. and after that i want to get them sent to the hospital. forever.
now, i know these people are crazy. i knew taking this job that there were risks to living and working with people who were mentally ill. but for the most part, i've only had to deal with behavioral issues-defiance/disorganization/laziness, stuff that like. but this is just disgusting! i am SO pissed. and disturbed. i feel awful that my friend had to come home and find her hamsters dead. and im also terrified that something could potentially happen to bella. i usually leave my window cracked bc my room gets pretty stuffy (and i leave my keys at home or at work or at someone else's house all the time), but now i seal them up tight! and i hate it. i don't want to feel uncomfortable in my own house. i swear to god (if you believe in god), that if anyone EVER lays a finger on her i will fucking KILL them. i never think of myself as a violent person, i've never even hit someone (well except that guy in the bar one time who thought he should keep touching me even though i told him not to- yeah, how'd ya like that bloody nose jackass!), but i would seriously lose my shit if anyone ever touched her. and that bothers me a little too. but, actually, just very little.
so i don't know what to do here. i want to just gather everyone and make them sit there until someone cracks. and after that i want to get them sent to the hospital. forever.
Monday, April 19, 2010
marathon monday
there's so much to love about marathon monday. friends, drinks, springtime, the smell of a bbq, the cheering crowds, the fleeting 'ifwestartrightnowwecouldtotallyrunthisnextyearbutfirstimgoingtodrinkashittonofbeer', having a holiday that exists nowhere else in the universe except mass, taking shots on the train...
...the crowds, roads being closed, tourists, people asking for directions, people blocking the entire sidewalk because they don't realize they're no longer in the hole in the wall midwest where it's okay to move at the pace of a turtle, kids screaming, cowbells, kids screaming, and finally leaving you with a general 'okay you've had your fun, can i have my city back now please' feeling.
ah, well. it was fun while it lasted.
...the crowds, roads being closed, tourists, people asking for directions, people blocking the entire sidewalk because they don't realize they're no longer in the hole in the wall midwest where it's okay to move at the pace of a turtle, kids screaming, cowbells, kids screaming, and finally leaving you with a general 'okay you've had your fun, can i have my city back now please' feeling.
ah, well. it was fun while it lasted.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
holy quiche, batman
today i learned something.
for the past 26 years, i have not been eating quiche!!
sure, i've tried 'quiche' a couple of times. ordered 'quiche' once or twice from a restaurant, or a little cafe for lunch. and the 'quiche' was okay. i even attempted to make quiche once, at the suggestion of a friend. i followed her lead, and her 'recipe', which essentially was just to throw some eggs and other random crap into a pre made pie crust. so really, we just made an egg disc. yuck.
but today. during pie crust day in school. i learned the beauty of quiche. it was silky, it was soft, it was creamy. and the crust was buttery, flaky, and delicious. it was like being reborn!!! to a world of quiche!! and i felt saddened that i had been missing out on this for so many long years! i have finally seen the light. and it's color is quiche.
for the past 26 years, i have not been eating quiche!!
sure, i've tried 'quiche' a couple of times. ordered 'quiche' once or twice from a restaurant, or a little cafe for lunch. and the 'quiche' was okay. i even attempted to make quiche once, at the suggestion of a friend. i followed her lead, and her 'recipe', which essentially was just to throw some eggs and other random crap into a pre made pie crust. so really, we just made an egg disc. yuck.
but today. during pie crust day in school. i learned the beauty of quiche. it was silky, it was soft, it was creamy. and the crust was buttery, flaky, and delicious. it was like being reborn!!! to a world of quiche!! and i felt saddened that i had been missing out on this for so many long years! i have finally seen the light. and it's color is quiche.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
are you sure you want to delete this friend?
since facebook rules the world, i feel like this makes it complete. you are no longer a part of my everyday. i can't remember what your tattoo looks like. i can't hear your laugh. i don't wake up in the morning and feel the ghost of you still behind me. you're not the first person i want to share everything with. i've let you out.
and now i can let someone else in.
and now i can let someone else in.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
i don't break easy, i have my pride
but if you need to be satisfied, i'm shameless.
if i'm wrong about this, it could compromise something that's incredibly important to me.
however, if i'm right, it could be the best thing ever. like seriously, EVER.
i'm not sure how to be more obvious. and i'm not sure how to read the signals i'm getting. i mean after all the laughter, little touches, cute names, etc, i would think that what im thinking is right. RIGHT?? so if i am right, tell me. i don't like to be kept waiting...
if i'm wrong about this, it could compromise something that's incredibly important to me.
however, if i'm right, it could be the best thing ever. like seriously, EVER.
i'm not sure how to be more obvious. and i'm not sure how to read the signals i'm getting. i mean after all the laughter, little touches, cute names, etc, i would think that what im thinking is right. RIGHT?? so if i am right, tell me. i don't like to be kept waiting...
in the spirit of being real
i love not wearing a bra. i love the feel of the wind on my boobs, and i really don't care if you can see my nipples through my shirt. get over it,they're just nipples. and yes, they are large.
im beyond obsessed with my dog. i talk to her, dress her, and spoil her like no being should ever be spoiled. i got her from a shelter, when i was in the middle of a rough spot in life. we saved each other.
i love answering "NO" when those annoying kids try to stop me on the street and ask me if i have a minute to save the children or if i care about the environment.
i have one regret. he wasnt worth the pain we caused all involved.
i think everyone is beautiful and has the potential to be great.
i think that most people are idiots.
i can drive better than anyone from this state. but i can't park.
i love that baking lets me be creative and anal all at the same time.
high heels, dinner, dancing. makes me happy.
pony tail, flipflops, cheap sunglasses. makes me happier.
i will make fun of you, and make inappropriate comments at every moment possible. rest assured, this is how i show my love.
when you call me sweetheart, and touch my arm, i melt. but you don't know it.
if i could cook and have sex all day, id be in heaven.
i fart.
i appreciate the spanish language for the first time in my life.
my feet sometimes smell.
i hate when people talk to me when i'm on the t. i keep my ipod on and never make eye contact. unless you're doing something weird. then i videotape you.
i am damn clumsy. i get distracted easily. i think im hilarious. i am not, nor will i ever be, cool enough to pull off slang/sayings like 'wicked', 'slow your roll', 'chill', or any of those other things the kids are saying these days. i believe in karma. i love to travel. i hate airplanes.
i love.
im beyond obsessed with my dog. i talk to her, dress her, and spoil her like no being should ever be spoiled. i got her from a shelter, when i was in the middle of a rough spot in life. we saved each other.
i love answering "NO" when those annoying kids try to stop me on the street and ask me if i have a minute to save the children or if i care about the environment.
i have one regret. he wasnt worth the pain we caused all involved.
i think everyone is beautiful and has the potential to be great.
i think that most people are idiots.
i can drive better than anyone from this state. but i can't park.
i love that baking lets me be creative and anal all at the same time.
high heels, dinner, dancing. makes me happy.
pony tail, flipflops, cheap sunglasses. makes me happier.
i will make fun of you, and make inappropriate comments at every moment possible. rest assured, this is how i show my love.
when you call me sweetheart, and touch my arm, i melt. but you don't know it.
if i could cook and have sex all day, id be in heaven.
i fart.
i appreciate the spanish language for the first time in my life.
my feet sometimes smell.
i hate when people talk to me when i'm on the t. i keep my ipod on and never make eye contact. unless you're doing something weird. then i videotape you.
i am damn clumsy. i get distracted easily. i think im hilarious. i am not, nor will i ever be, cool enough to pull off slang/sayings like 'wicked', 'slow your roll', 'chill', or any of those other things the kids are saying these days. i believe in karma. i love to travel. i hate airplanes.
i love.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
unbreakable
today someone told me i was unbreakable. it was actually in reference to an incident a couple weeks ago where i slammed my head into the floor (thanks again mcshmick's), but it got me thinking.
i've spent a lot of time making sure that no one breaks me. my past, (which is only appropriate for a therapist, or my amazing friends, and only discussed over a glass, ok bottle, of wine) is less than idealistic. to top it off, last year i basically got my heart ripped out and shit on, with absolutely no warning. since then i've been so terrified of feeling pain like that again, that i've become pretty good at keeping people at a distance, only letting them in just enough.
but im slowly realizing how amazing life is. and im realizing that i want to let in everyone, everything, every feeling. i want to feel the sun on my shoulders. i want to taste the sweet uncertainty of a first kiss. i want to hear music, and laughter, and tears. i want to feel my heart break when i think about how my father will never be able to walk me down the aisle.
i want to feel everything
i don't want to be unbreakable anymore.
...but i don't want you to break me, either.
i've spent a lot of time making sure that no one breaks me. my past, (which is only appropriate for a therapist, or my amazing friends, and only discussed over a glass, ok bottle, of wine) is less than idealistic. to top it off, last year i basically got my heart ripped out and shit on, with absolutely no warning. since then i've been so terrified of feeling pain like that again, that i've become pretty good at keeping people at a distance, only letting them in just enough.
but im slowly realizing how amazing life is. and im realizing that i want to let in everyone, everything, every feeling. i want to feel the sun on my shoulders. i want to taste the sweet uncertainty of a first kiss. i want to hear music, and laughter, and tears. i want to feel my heart break when i think about how my father will never be able to walk me down the aisle.
i want to feel everything
i don't want to be unbreakable anymore.
...but i don't want you to break me, either.
Monday, April 5, 2010
boston state of mind
couldn't live without
the sand under my feet
pilfered rum drinking on the roof- laughing for hours
turning off the lights
the unknown
taking chances
flour and sugar and even carrots
bella
dancing barefoot
being naked
billy joel lyrics
staying up all night
clean sheets
getting them dirty
friends that will do anything for you
being independent
road trips-especially to connecticut
stolen glances
going with the wind
riding this ride and loving every minute of it
the sand under my feet
pilfered rum drinking on the roof- laughing for hours
turning off the lights
the unknown
taking chances
flour and sugar and even carrots
bella
dancing barefoot
being naked
billy joel lyrics
staying up all night
clean sheets
getting them dirty
friends that will do anything for you
being independent
road trips-especially to connecticut
stolen glances
going with the wind
riding this ride and loving every minute of it
Thursday, April 1, 2010
friday is world autism awareness day
in a previous life, i was a behavior therapist. i worked with kids who have disabilities, primarily autism. sometimes i taught academics. sometimes i wiped up poop. sometimes i sang songs. i often got my hair pulled, slapped in the face, bit, and peed on. but i also met some of the most amazing people ever. i met parents who would give their world for their kids. i met young siblings with huge hearts who didnt think twice about helping out their 'disabled' brother or sister. and i met kids who had infectious personalities, beautiful smiles, and who were smart and loving in a way i never knew was possible. after four years and even a semester studying OT, i realized that this wasn't what i was going to spend the rest of my life doing. even so, it is a time that i treasure, and still hold close to my heart. we don't get to choose some of the things that life deals us, and these kids fight challenges with unbelievable courage that puts adults to shame.
friday is world autism awareness day. if nothing else, please spend a few minutes educating yourself. education is one way to acceptance, and we all deserve that.
www.autismspeaks.org
friday is world autism awareness day. if nothing else, please spend a few minutes educating yourself. education is one way to acceptance, and we all deserve that.
www.autismspeaks.org
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
